The lack of Blog

I need to apologize to my few loyal viewers about my lack of posting lately. It's not that I don't want to post but many things have been getting in the way it seems. First of all, I have been forced to commit to many social functions lately that fill my time with drinking and exhaustion. Secondly, I am moving in a week, give or take a couple weeks - that is the problem, when the fuck am I moving? My roommate has forced me to pack most of our stuff even though we don't even have the closing date set so our "happy" home is in complete disarray and I can't stand it. I am a bit like Monica on Friends and the mess and clutter that I am now living amongst is slowly and painfully killing me. Therefore, I try to stay away from my house as much as possible. As if all of this wasn't enough I am convinced I have a tumor in the right hemisphere of my brain. For some reason for the last few days the side of my head is absolutely tender to the touch. Whenever I touch it, yes I continue to touch it despite the pain, it feels like it is going to gush blood everywhere. The strange thing is the other side doesn't hurt at all. Given the random bizarre things that tend to happen to me everyday I wouldn't be surprised if something really was wrong with my stupid head. So, anyway, that is why I have been unable to post on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong, funny stuff is still happening daily and I'll be sure to fill you in when my head stops throbbing.

Christmas Shooters

So in talking to someone today about the horrors of the mall I began reminiscing about Christmas shopping with my dad. Christmas time is excruciating for him and very entertaining for us when we drag him to the mall. If only they served alcohol there we wouldn't have a problem. I think the large department stores should have the little shot girls running around during the holiday season. You could even theme the shots to make it more festive. And for the snooty women you could have spiked hot coffee and cider drinks. I really think I may take this idea to Dillard's and Belk. Not only would it be extra revenue but the clientele would be so much friendlier and more easily persuaded to buy things. When I was younger my dad used to designate one evening when he would take my little brother and I to the mall to do all of our Christmas shopping at once, this was usually 3 days before Christmas. And he would always get my mom a nice piece of jewelry and something from Victoria's Secret. Now here's the funny part, my dad gets embarrassed about sex and all things associated with it, he even changes the channel when a tampon commercial comes on. So he would make my brother and I sit outside of Victoria's Secret while he went in and found a sales girl about the size of my mom and bought some lingerie. It was always a very embarrassing and secretive thing for him. However, as soon as we got home he'd give me all of the gifts to wrap, including the lingerie!!!!

Curiosity

I stole this from kitkat who stole it from melanie so here we go,
"answer the question" :

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Quote for the day

"You must find your soul before you can share it."

Drunk "Asses"

I just read a post on zombieslayer's blog ( http://zombie-slayer.blogspot.com/) that really hit home for me and tugged at my heart strings. In his post he talks about addiction, both drugs and alcohol. One of the comments he made is so true that I had to share it:

"It brings out the demons within you. I keep hearing people say things like 'Bob's cool, but he's a major asshole when he's drunk.' No, Bob's a major asshole but it takes being drunk for him to show his true side."

How fucking true is that! I know that when I drink and "loosen up" the true me comes out. Maybe that's why I enjoy drinking so much?! My drunken honesty is astounding, sometimes good and other times disastrous. Knowing this, I make sure to evaluate my mood before I pick up that first drink. My drunken self is a direct reflection of the mood that I went into it with. Unfortunately for me and some unlucky others, it took me a few years to realize this about myself. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that I always go with the best option, not drinking when I'm sad or pissed, but at least I'm aware of it and give the people around me fair warning ;) Thanks zombieslayer.

So what kind of drunk are you?

NIN

I just wanted to let everyone know how excited I am for tomorrow - Nine Inch Nails tickets go on sale!!!! The concert is on October 21st and I am so pumped. It's been way too long since I've been to a good "hard" concert.

The male version of my prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
With big tits who owns a liquor store and a boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Amen

Please God...

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

The 'ollowers

So I found a new blog that I love, http://undertheundies.blogspot.com. This chick seems to be coming from a very familiar place, a place I left not too long ago and am in no rush to get back to. On one of her recent posts she talked about the different ways us ladies usually handle a big breakup. I found it so true that I wanted to share it with you and see where everyone thinks they stand or stood during that gut wrentching death of a relationship:

“Then again, what are the ways of a breakup anyway?

Some wallow over lost love. They cheer it takes half the time you were together to truly get over him. You analyze what went wrong, what you've learned, and how you'll know better. You cry and miss and hate him until you're over it and ready to audition someone new.

And there's the swallowers (though I'm sure some spit). She says the best way to get over someone is to find someone new. One night stands, shameless flirting, and flings fill the voids. Not to say she doesn't learn, but neither does she let that stop her from finding someone else.

Then there are the followers that never really give up. They believe it could be worked out because they're problems are only situational. They may even recycle a couple times or stay friends. But the fear of letting go and regret, coupled with their fondness for each other keeps them holding on.”

Personally, I think I move through each of the the three during a breakup – did I mention I hate breakups, they seem as bad as a death sometimes.

Tagged

Katie ( kitkat ) tagged me to do this so here it is:

1. What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?

Jumped off a second story high tree branch onto a trampoline. I bounced once and went back up past the branch I jumped from to come down no where near the trampoline. I landed on a 2x4 in a garden – have suffered lower back pain ever since.

Wasted 3.5 years of my life dating/supporting my ex-boyfriend.

Sitting in the back of a boat on the Zambezi River, right before a hippo chased it!


2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

My boss, he always wants to know if I “have a minute?” But after 5:00 p.m. I would say, unfortunately, ME. I am more hard on myself than anyone else could ever dream of being.

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?

Grandpa John – my dad’s dad, I never met him
Grandma Joan – I think we would have a wonderful time together
George Pruett – my partner in crime who passed away last year, I miss him
Gia Carangi – supermodel, heroin addict who died of AIDS, how interesting was her life
Me, in a previous life – how cool would that be

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

To have Carmen Electra’s body – I was close once, I promise!
To really make a difference in the fight against cancer
To find my soul mate (yes, I know, may as well be a supernatural event)

5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

Regrets:
1. More bars & restaurants actually ON the beach – it would be nice to be able to grab a pina colada while laying ON the beach!
2. A good football team

Avoid:
1. Regency Mall movie theater – you are taking your life into your hands if you go there
2. I95 Northbound at 5:15 p.m. – it turns into a parking lot


6. Name one event that has changed your life.

Well the most obvious one is moving to Jacksonville but I would have to say each of my 3 major breakups – you are different after each relationship.

7. Tag 3 people.

rat in a cage - because his answers will be entertaining
slade - because I love her blog
kceracera - because your identity is a mystery that is killing me

Update

Well, we didn't hear from Mel yet. But I'm sure she's not a happy camper - it has been raining in Jacksonville off and on all weekend, definitely interrupting beach time for sure. We haven't lost all hope yet though, she is down here for at least another week so you never know! It's kind of odd, the prospect of meeting, blogging is such a "safe" outlet simply because your identity is concealed. Oh well, I would still like to meet, I think Mel and I would get along great.